The Last Straw
by yarnybear
Summary: You know how Zeus was caught in a golden net and promised to be a better person if they let him go? Well, this is a story in more detail about that time. Sorry about all those mistakes, but I'm an uneducated redneck peckerwood. I even live in Mississippi.
1. Hera

**Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson and the Olympians. Rick Riordan does. **

**The Last Straw**

**A story of Hera's revenge**

I sighed. Waking up alone in bed. Like every day this week. And for that matter, this month, this year. I pulled off my eye mask, slipping my feet out into my fuzzy pink slippers. My husband was never here.

I went to breakfast alone, ate my ambrosia in nectar alone, and went through my day of routine alone. It always disappointed me that I had married the most _difficult_ man out there.

And it was sweet irony that I, the goddess of marriage, had a broken marriage. I never saw my husband, except when he was drunk on nectar. And then I had to pick him up if he was caught with the wife of some other god on Mount Olympus.

I pulled on my chiton, then my peplos, arranging a golden laurel crown on my head. I had to take care of the courts, because _someone_ had neglected his duties in order to party all night in the temple dedicated to him.

I scowled. Just because a temple had your name written on the doors, with a giant gold statue of you in the interior, didn't give you the right to have fun, set up strobe lights, and defile it. Exactly what my husband had done.

So I went to the court, tying a gold chain belt around my waist, and pulling a silken scarf over my face. It was an old custom to do this. Because they said that we shouldn't be influenced, we had cover our faces. So I was escorted by some sort of guard or bailiff, but I couldn't see who, because my eyes were concealed.

I took my seat, sliding over the hard wooden bench. The guard brought in a man, and I could hear him screaming. His voice…it was so familiar.

And naturally, it had to be my husband, Zeus, arrested for urinating in Fountain of Eternal Youth. I sighed. Today was going to be killer.

--

Zeus left, and I was resigned to judging petty thefts and crimes. Mount Olympus was mostly a peaceful community, but there was a large amount of partying by the bored gods. That led to graffiti on the temples, and crazy fraternity dares that disturbed the peace.

Most of the gods and goddesses were acquitted of their crimes, sentenced to only a few hours of community service.

But then, a new voice was brought over. It was gruff and gravelly, with no hint of remorse at all.

"Who are you, and what have you been arrested for?" I asked, my fingers tapping the wooden table in front of me. I was impatient, and I wanted this boring court to be over. Why should I be the one who had to take charge of the court, when it was Zeus's job? The Lord of the Sky was certainly neglecting his duties.

"I am Hephaestus, god of volcanoes and metal working. I was arrested for blowing up a temple Circulonimbus Park. It was an accident."

"Hephaestus, are you?" I leaned forwards, a plan forming in my mind. So I decided to implement it. "You realize that is a serious offense, and there will be heavy punishment? Of course, if we exchange a few favors, there is some chance you won't be assigned to taking care of Eros when Aphrodite is traveling to Troy."

Hephaestus sounded mildly interested. "Eros? That whiny little fat kid? I'm not baby sitting him. What do you want?"

"A golden net, please. Built of god strength materials. I'm going hunting." I replied, keeping my voice perfectly even. Not a note of emotion was audible.

"And when do you want this said golden net?" Hephaestus sounded cheerful, but it was hard to tell because his loud was so rough and low. "I can make it within a day, if you want to hunt so soon."

"That will be satisfactory. Now, you'll get cleaning duties for one hour tomorrow, and I'll just have to find someone else to take care of Eros." I made myself sound glum, like I was doing him a favor for letting him go almost scott free. But of course, to get what I wanted, I had to lie to him. Because blowing up a temple wasn't so serious. But we weren't married, so lying to him didn't go against my rules.

"Fine."

I heard the creak of a chair and the creak of a door. Hephaestus was gone. The guard tapped on the shoulder.

"Madame, the last criminal is gone now. You can leave now, and I'll assign Ares to judge duty. Or you can stay and answer the petitioners." He untied my white silk scarf and folded it up, sticking it into his sleeve. But the sleeve was cuffed and tight for anyone to hide a scarf that long without leaving lumps. So this guard had magical powers.

"No thank you, guard. I'll be having lunch at the Cloudbank Café." I hated petitioners. They were even worse than the criminals. Because they knew some of the laws of Olympus, and they weren't convicted of anything, they could come in and demand stuff without the threat of punishment.

Because some lax king had put this in his constitution, trying to do the opposite of the Titans. Sometimes, I thought the Titans had the right idea.

I rode a chariot with my son Apollo to the Cloudbank Café. He always drove me places because I had let him go after he got too many speeding tickets and had to appear in a court hearing. And if he didn't, I hadn't burned the tickets. So what if he called it blackmail?

At the Cloudbank, I ordered a slice of ambrosia cake. Sweets always cheered me up on the most boring days. To my surprise, a bearded man took the seat opposite me.

I blinked. "Lord Poseidon. I didn't know you were visiting Olympus. I thought you were working on El Nino."

"Sure, El Nino. It's finished. I even added an awesome new tsunami feature." He grinned at me, showing off two perfect rows of glistening teeth. "Do you think the nectar marinated swordfish with tomatoes and garlic butter is any good?" He flicked through the menu, pursing his lips as he turned the laminated plastic pages.

I nodded. "It's very good. You get a free order of buttered baguettes if you get that. Though the tomatoes aren't nearly as good as the ones at Demeter's Garden Market. But that's to be expected, since this establishment is owned by Fornax, god of breads and baking. But the pastries and loaves are exquisite. I'd suggest you try the nectar honey bread."

"Yes, I've had that bread." He gestured to a waiter who nodded and left for the kitchens. "It's certainly _marvelous_."

Then he lowered his head close to mine, making sure that patrons around us couldn't hear him. "I heard from Hephaestus that you were going hunting." He winked at the last word.

"Yes, I am. Some of the animals aren't acting like they should. I've decided to perhaps catch them, mind you, and not kill them." I smiled, turning to the waiter who brought another slice of cake. This time it was strawberries dipped in honey with chocolate fudge ambrosia cheesecake. With a complimentary glass of a blond champagne. There was a reason why I enjoyed my trips to the Cloudbank Café.

"Dearest sister, can you handle so large an animal?" He beamed art me. "I can call a few of my friends and maybe some of your children will help you with it. I'll be frequenting the bars and saloons, some of their favorite haunts here on Mount Olympus."

"That help would be appreciated, beloved brother." I replied smoothly. But inside was screaming with delight.

"Yes, that's good." Poseidon picked up his fork and knife and began to dig into his extra large helping of grilled swordfish and tomatoes with a delicate nectar dressing. "Simply delicious."

**Author's Note: Hm…I didn't know this story would be this long. Anyways, it's about something mention in Percy Jackson and the Olympians, but I forget which book it was. **


	2. Join the Club

Yeah, I suck at writing, but I like to make you feel bad. That's why this story is dedicated to myself and food. Go food!!

Anyways, this story is going to stay short.

**Chapter 2**

**Join the Club**

After lunch with Poseidon, I set out to visit all the teahouses on Mount Olympus, from the small, farmhouse style Turquoise Teapot, to Angelica, the most chic and modern place on the mountain.

As I snacked on small, bite sized scones with clotted cream and jam, I watched fellow patrons as they sipped the delicate herbal teas in the blue china cups that gave the Turquoise Teapot its name.

A Rhine maiden, a courtier of Poseidon, took the seat opposite me. Her greenish blonde hair rippled down her back. "So, Lady Hera, I hear you're to be going after big game." She fluttered her eyelashes, taking a mocha iced éclair off my shiny silver cake stand.

"Yes, I am." I winked, taking a small bite out of a soft crumpet. "If you like, you and your sisters can join me, there's sure to be some great fun."

"I'll spread the word." She got up, taking a warm buttered croissant, crossing the room. She bent down, cupping her hands around the ears of one of her friends. They giggled, and the friend got up and left.

The Rhine maiden went to the cash register, and leaned over the counter, chattering with the girl who took the orders. They were obviously very good friends, and the maiden pointed at me. Several silvery laughs filled the air.

I smiled. This plan was going well. Exceptionally well, in fact. I stood up, placing a few golden drachmas on my empty cake stand. And when I pushed the door open with a wave of farewell, I could here the tinkles of the bell mounted on the top of the door and all the laughs of all the guests in the Turquoise Teapot.

As I entered the Angelica, the warm dimness greeted me. There were colored shawls draped over lamps, and low L-shaped couches with matching ottomans in the corner. There was a giant, cylinder shaped aquarium in the middle of the room, and two semi circle shaped sofas were set around it.

"Would you like anything, Lady Hera?" a woman in a white gown asked, holding a tray of drinks set in crystal flutes. "I have some nectarinis here, if you'd like some. If you go to the bar, we have some more food."

I took the proffered glass, sipping it, and rolling the warm honeyed flavors in my mouth. There was a delicious touch of peach in this drink, probably from some fermented spirits mixed in with the Olympus grade nectar.

I walked to the bar, and whispered started spreading through the tea house. "Lady Hera is here," they whispered, and then people started crowding around the table as a robust chef with in a white dress started making pancakes.

No, they weren't pancakes, they were the delicious mortal food things called crepes. Fried thin and crispy, but this kind had a layer of caramelized sugar on top.

"For Lady Hera, for good luck when she goes 'hunting'!" The chef poured the contents of the bottle on the crepes, which she had placed on a spotless white plate. I saw that the bottle was made of a dark glass, with a wrinkled old wrapper that said 'Hades' Spirits'.

Then the plate was set alight, the flickering blue flames whooshing into the air and filling the room with the smell of fresh pomegranates. As I took bites of the delicious pancakes, a rough hand nudged my elbow.

A rough voice whispered, "Hey, Stepmom, I heard you were doing some big game hunting!"

I turned. There was a man in the shadows, with close cropped hair and a sharp toothed grin plastered on his face. "Ares? What are you doing here? This is a tea house!"

He pulled back his lips in a menacing smile. "I want to get in on some action. Daddy's always been a bit demanding, always 'you can't have that girl, and all that'. But Daddy's always been a hypocrite. Shame on him. Yeah, he should be re-educated." He smacked his lips.

And then he was gone, leaving a faint whiff of sulfur. I coughed, waving my hands over my nose.

The chef walked over to me, wiping her hands on her dress. "Enjoying the meal? It's on the house, thanks for doing us a favor here. My lord Zeus is always bothering the girls, so it'd be a nice thing to do for all of us. Oh, and one of the waitresses says that her friend, who works at the post office says that a package is ready and being shipped."

I nodded, dabbing at my lips with a linen napkin. "Very well, thank you for the meal, and I'll collect the package."

I left, leaving people speculating in my wake, and others were making pets or gossiping about what would happen. The door swung closed with a jingle, and I stepped out into the bright, blinding sunlight.

I walked back to my palace of marble and gold, and when I got inside, I slipped off my sandals with a sigh.

The doorbell rang.

And I opened it, peering out. "Who is it?"

"Hermes' Delivery, at your service, Milady!" A man in a tunic and soft leather shoes stood in front of me, appearing from thin air. He held a large, brown paper wrapped package out in front of him. "This is from Hephaestus, and to Lady Hera. There's a note attached." He winked at me.

I pulled off the note, my eyes scanning the thick linen rich paper.

_Use this well, and now we're even._

"So…" ventured Hermes, swinging a staff that he pulled from nowhere. "I heard that you were planning on having a bit of fun…As a matter of fact, I haven't had a spot of mischief, I mean, helping a dear friend, in a long while now. So if you would let me, I'd like to join the hunt."

I nodded, smirking. It seemed that every god wanted to have a "bit of fun".

Hermes turned and left, giving me a sardonic salute. I waved back, slamming the door shut.

I went to bed when the sun set, turning off the last lamp. I heard the bedroom door squeak, and I knew it was my husband, Zeus. I couldn't help it, I just started laughing like a rabid hyena.

"What's so funny?" He asked, flicking on the lights. He had bright red cheeks, and I knew he had been drinking. "Gods, everyone's been acting strange today. A lot of people have been burst out into fits of laughter, and then there's the people that stop talking and stare at me when I enter a bar."

That just made me laugh even harder. "You have no idea," I managed to choke out, "You really don't."

**Author's Note: Yeah, this chapter is as boring as hell. And I don't see why I get so many reviews for crap, when the stories I actually worked on for hours don't get a fig. It's just the weird ways here.**

**Like getting TONS of reviews for any crap fic with Percy and Annabeth romance. Icky.**


	3. The Final Chapter

So, I haven't been updating, and sorry you hate this.

**Chapter 3**

**The Final Chapter**

I walked to the balcony of my palace, savoring the cool, fresh air. Olympus was above the land of mortal pollutants, and was pure and clean. It was morning, and the bottom arc of the sun barely grazed the clouded horizon. It rose, tinting the wispy clouds a reddish pink, with streaks of vibrant yellow. Today was the day. The words beat a staccato in my mind, and every time I thought about it, I let out a bright peal of laughter.

Today, today, today. Time to teach what was what, to make the world a better place for everyone. Time to give everyone the spectacle they deserved, time to make a fool out of the most pompous king Olympus had ever had. I smiled, the wind blowing curls of chocolate brown hair into my face, making the silver ribbons entwined through the strands tickle my face.

I gazed over my city, my beautiful, wonderful city. A veritable utopia, one of perfection, grace, and fabulous architecture. And as I looked out over the balustrades of the balcony, I observed my subjects, the way that they walked with a spring in their step, a sense of joy. They grinned when they saw me, and they waved. I waved back, fluttering my fingers at the gleeful gods and goddesses of my city.

I looked down on the cleaned cobbled streets, and I saw a figure in a blue trimmed toga, making his way down the busy streets. Zeus was going on his business, exactly as scheduled.

I left my palace, slamming the marble door. I wended my way through the streets, the people making room for me and giving me meaningful winks. In my arms I held the brown paper covered parcel, the one that Hermes had given me just a day before. It was a favor from Hephaestus, ready to be used.

I followed Zeus until he had reached the town square, the bare patch of land in the towering metropolis of sky scrapers and multiple storied buildings. It had a fountain merrily tinkling in the center, the drachmas of wishes glittering at the bottom.

I saw movement at the edges of the square, figures moving forwards, coming closer. They surrounded the square. And I saw. Hephaestus, Ares, Hermes, Fornax, Dionysus, Athena. All the major gods and goddesses had come to see the sight.

I unwrapped the package, and the sparkling golden net slid out. It was heavy, made of god grade metals, but finely made, the threads of gold both delicate and strong. Just like Arachne's web.

I felt a touch at my elbow, and a voice near my ear.

"Dearest sister, the time has drawn close. All the citizens I could muster are here, awaiting your command. Let us give them the sight that they have waited for, the one that all of us have wanted to see for millennia. They will help you give Olympus a better king."

Poseidon, my brother, stood beside me, his presence lending me strength. And with this strength, I tossed the golden net up.

It flew towards the sky, the golden threads glinting, the weighted ends unfolding. Up, up, up, like golden stars in the early morning. And as it rose, it expanded, growing larger, until it covered a vast area, enough to cover the whole square.

Zeus stood next to the fountain, unaware. He never noticed the strange dusting of glittering gold threads in the sky, the tinkle of the weighted ends. He didn't see that the circle of his children had drawn closer until it surrounded him.

The net had reached the apex of its flight and fell, the weighted ends coming down first. It tumbled down, falling onto Zeus's head, toppling him to the ground.

I grabbed a corner, and Poseidon, next to me, grabbed another. He laughed, and the deep roar stirred all of the gods, goddesses, and spectators to action. They grabbed a weight at the end, keeping Zeus inside.

Hephaestus waved his hands, and the net drew tighter around its captive.

"How dare you, sister, brother?!" Zeus thundered, his loud voice echoing around the square.

"You've been lax in your duties, my lord," I answered, giving him the title that royalty would use to address another of the blood. "Over the years you have neglected what you are supposed to do. We've taken your duties up without complaint for years now, but now you've gone too far.

"A little bit we could take, but now you are not doing a thing, lazing around the house, having illegal affairs with mortals. We – all of us – thought it was time to do something about it. And since you are our king, we have to be sure you are a hard working, benevolent one."

"NO!!" Zeus cried, and then he started changing forms.

His body contorted and stretched until he was an elephant, looking strange in a toga. But Hephaestus's work was always strong, and made of the finest materials. The net stretched with him, and everyone holding the net felt the sharp tugs that Zeus's trunk gave.

We held on the tighter for that.

Zeus was a butterfly, an ant, a cat, a desert jackal. He tried to resist the confining strands of the net, but to no avail.

He was a thread of smoke, but Hephaestus had imbued magic and sorcery and hard work into the net, so Zeus could not find a way through the netting. For the net had threads as thin as atoms, and the gaps between them were much smaller. This was a remarkable piece of work, and Zeus could not find a flaw.

He was a drizzle of golden raindrops, but again, he could not get past.

He changed again, a sulphurous wind, an amoeba, but he could not find a way through the net.

He changed back into himself, sitting in the middle of the net, the threads pressing down on his head and shoulders. He sat desolate and he looked like he had given up hope.

"What do you want?" he asked, exhausted and leaning against the bowl of the fountain.

Poseidon smiled. "We want you to renounce your ways, and join us as equals, not as servants to fetch and carry, eternally at your beck and call. We are your family, and should be treated as such.

"You must go back to work, the work assigned to you after you deposed the Titans and Kronos. Judge the courts and assume the title and bearing and responsibility as is expected of the Lord of the Skies and King of Gods.

"But remember, if you give your word and break it, we will be back, and in greater force. After all, a golden net is quite merciful. So, brother, this is a democracy, and we make it so. Do not get yourself impeached."

Poseidon sounded quite pleasant, like he was greeting a friend on a sunny, summer day. His voice had no hint of menace or trickery.

Zeus sighed. "I give my word, and you can hold me to it. From this day, I will be as I once was, without the sloth and pride I used to have. I give my word on the Styx, and may I be trampled to the manure covered ground by a herd of carnivorous horses if I choose to break it."

We all applauded, and with cheers, threw up the weighted ends of the net. The next shriveled up in the air, folding itself up smaller and smaller. It dropped to the earth, landing into Hephaestus's open palm. He smiled to himself, and remarked, "I may be able to use this sometime in the future…hm….quite a possibility, but who should I shame this time…"

-

So Zeus became as he once was, a wise and benevolent king of gods in Olympus and elsewhere.

But as the millennia drifted by, my thoughts went back to the scene at the town square, replaying his speech of retribution.

He had given up pride and sloth, yes, and he was still free of it now. But he had not given up lust, and it troubled me. He could do things that might endanger mortals and immortals alike, and destroy our peaceful reign over Earth.

But I pushed away my fears and doubts, and enjoyed my meal at the Cloudbank Café.

And later, I hated myself for doing so. For there were many things that went wrong with our reign because my own sloth.

**Author's Note: Thank you for reading, I'm finally done with this short tale. I originally planned this as a oneshot, but then I expanded it, and it grew too long. This is the only chapter that isn't food themed.**

**Yeah, Hera hates herself, and she's not perfect. She wants the perfect family though, and that's what prompts her to this. **

**THIS is the reason why Poseidon and Zeus have such a rivalry, and it's been a pleasure to expand upon it. And school is out for the summer, so I'm glad, but not really.**


End file.
